TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
