porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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