You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Life is so much better after having sex.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
