How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
