her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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