you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
