Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
