3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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