Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
