At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
