Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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