you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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