just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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