Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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