Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize