Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
