as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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