WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
