jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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