Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
