Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
