she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
