RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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