I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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