i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
