I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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