brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
