How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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