worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
