I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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