God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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