also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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