How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
