fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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