dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
