I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
