After last night, I could never be a politician.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
