my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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