my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize