the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
