Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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