I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
