forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize