angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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