If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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