He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
