Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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