so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
