i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
