By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
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