dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
