how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
