My hand turned me down
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
