I'm really into asian looking animals
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
