He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we made out on top of his cat.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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