I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
