Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
