matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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