Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
