I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Your dad touched me again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
