ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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