and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
