i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
