two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
