I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
