Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize