a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
