Jerry, you need to find god
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
