Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She needs sedatives and a leash
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
