Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
