where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
