I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
