everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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